So go roles we have to put ourselves in. Just because it's something you've done before doesn't mean it's something that has to be comfortable. Even if it's something you must do, repeatedly, for whatever reason you have.
[There's a strain of sympathy to the phrase keeping it from being empty. He sees something there, in those eyes that don't quite meet his, and he tries to stay gentle in how to reach it.]
I'm surprised to hear you say that, given the skills you have. Do you not enjoy the work you do?
There's a quiet as Yugamu straightens up, the tension in his shoulders well-hidden. It's not something he's heard before, yet it feels weirdly familiar. There's a fog of conversations that don't click right, and it rakes his teeth across his tongue in frustration that he just can't remember what they are, filling his mouth with the grounding coppery tang of blood.
It takes him a moment to reply, unmoving, before he heaves what seems to be a sigh.]
I don't. Truthfully, I never have. [ And while he has admitted this to others here, this time it feels a bit more honest, a bit less lackadaisical. ] Killing with no loves leaves me feeling pretty empty, y'know? If I'm going to kill someone, I'd like it to be with love and care— and even better if they try to kill me back. Taking someone's life in a blink for money— or to fulfill some kind of selfish wish— has never been my thing.
What a weird personal code for a killer, you mean? My family thinks so, too; but that's just the life of the black sheep.
[ But hearing someone else call it tender is...surprising. He's just gotten used to the scorn and exasperation, even from the others. It's an odd feeling he isn't sure what to do with.
All the better to distract himself. ]
Why shouldn't it be? Isn't love one of the most important things in life? [ He's good at articulating it in his regular terms, the visceral excitement settling in all of his bones, the rush of blood and frenzied fervor. To try and lay it out normally is...not something he does often. ] It's a rush of feeling that could turn you inside out, a burst of euphoria that you can't get anywhere else...it's how you feel truly alive in those last moments, all that love and bloodlust colliding. When everything comes to an end, wouldn't it be better to have a hand guiding you rather than shoving you in?
Life and Death are just two sides of the same coin. Why enjoy love in one, and not the other?
[ The question does admittedly catch him a bit off guard, peering at the sky from where he's idly sitting rather than at Solomon himself, lips pursed for a few moments before they pry open again. ]
...I'm not going to say I don't have my grudges, you know. I talk big, but there's some people I wouldn't mind putting down without a lot of affection behind it. [ Back on the satellite, but for what reason? Because he was mad, but about what? Another frustrating, vexing sensation worming beneath his skin like all the wires, IVs, implants. ] I guess that depends on the point of view, doesn't it? Maybe there are, in some cases. Revenge for something that can't be taken back? The inherently evil, who don't want or care for love?
[ A pause. ]
...But if you think about it, there's also mercy in death. To me, I feel that's also a form of love.
[ Now, isn't that a thought? Yugamu's life has been death, death and more death; bringing death, loving death, accepting death. But life...
It brings to mind thoughts of one Eito Aotsuki, and a young assassin steeped in emptiness. ]
Inconceivably cruel. [ A smile returns, the brittleness at it's edges. ] Just the worst. Especially when you want to die; what's worse than having to live despite it all? No reprieve, no satisfaction.
[ ...A pause. ]
But sometimes those variables are too dangerous. I'd rather not get stabbed in the back a second time, you know?
Bingo. I know my heart is pretty big, but somebody has to do the dirty work sometimes.
[ He can be surprisingly pragmatic, for all that he is; after all, assassination isn't a job that preaches optimism.
Hm... ]
Not that I don't mind a bit of brain-picking, even if I do prefer the physical kind...[ One of those teasing smiles finally returns to his face, leaning more into the genuine direction. ] but am I getting extra credit for this assignment?
Sometimes it can't be avoided, but I agree. Some people are better off staying out of that life.
[ The laugh has Yugamu's eyebrows twitching nigh imperceptibly, one blue eye peering straight through the other man with a sudden intensity. ]
No, that's one of your charm points. You should just be careful you don't lose that nose sticking it in far nastier business than mine.... [ A hum. ] How about I answer yours, and you answer mine?
Hah. I wouldn't be so concerned. [The irony of the statement is not lost on him given his current appearance.] Even keeping to yourself can lead to unexpected consequences.
[Still, he shrugs easily at the suggestion, settling to a staggered seat - nearby enough to talk, but far enough that Yugamu doesn't need to worry about personal space.]
I don't see why not. You can even go first, if you'd like.
Mn. [He straightens himself up with a sigh, hands splaying on the concrete as he leans his weight back.] No, I doubt he would, either. When someone desperately wants something to happen... there is no limit to what they might do.
That's just human nature. Desire is natural, but it's just like hate and love; too much, and reason couldn't matter less. It's part of who we are.
[ He thinks back to Gabimaru's speech, replaying in his head for a moment before ]
No? Is it the fact we've shown what we're capable of, now? [ A side glance. ] You know what they say: one card out of place is all it takes for the house to fall. Who's to say this won't incite someone else's desperation?
If one will choose to kill, out of fear or opportunity, then it's only a matter of time. A deadline etched in stone. [Pinning down any supposedly new killers is only delaying what might as well be a forced inevitable, given the powers at play.]
I'd rather focus on the rest. Keep as many of you focused on the path forward, so that we do not lose any more than we must for the time being... and that we don't let those who might pass before us slip away as well.
It's not quite the same words, but it's the same principle. The speeches, the assurances, the graves in the schoolyard. A path they follow because there's little other choice, and they need something to lean on to push them forward...lest they let the stark truth crush them under it's weight instead.
Solomon is no Takumi Sumino, but he'd be lying if he said he couldn't hear some echoes of him. Just enough for his face to twitch at the corners. ]
It'd be nice if those words could carry enough weight to sink in for everyone, but I wouldn't hold my breath. We've got a stubborn and mismatched lot around here. [ That being said... ] Are you prepared to shoulder all that weight, Sensei? It's not an easy burden to bear, and if you're unlucky, it might just drag you under and hold you down.
[Humming, he withdraws an ink pen, black with an iridescent center, from his jacket - something he had at the trial and presented as owning, so it's not necessarily a new sight. But now he simply uses it as a fidget item between his fingers as they talk.]
If someone must, let it be those of us that know we can handle the worst of the responsibility, should it all take the most horrible turn. Maybe there are liferafts we can plant in that deep, dark ocean, to keep it from being a complete waste.
It feels like he's seeing just a piece of a Solomon he doesn't put out there often, blue gaze lingering as that pen twirls between his fingers.
...How convincing. It's almost dangerous. ]
In the dark ocean, huh... [ That twinges something, and when Yugamu leans back, it's with a small smile on his face. ] And let me guess. You'd take responsibility, even if they capsized?
[ Where has he heard this before? ]
You have to be a specific type of maniac to run headlong into something that could end horribly with your head held high. Then again, maybe I should call myself one, too, for being willing to follow along.
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[There's a strain of sympathy to the phrase keeping it from being empty. He sees something there, in those eyes that don't quite meet his, and he tries to stay gentle in how to reach it.]
I'm surprised to hear you say that, given the skills you have. Do you not enjoy the work you do?
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There's a quiet as Yugamu straightens up, the tension in his shoulders well-hidden. It's not something he's heard before, yet it feels weirdly familiar. There's a fog of conversations that don't click right, and it rakes his teeth across his tongue in frustration that he just can't remember what they are, filling his mouth with the grounding coppery tang of blood.
It takes him a moment to reply, unmoving, before he heaves what seems to be a sigh.]
I don't. Truthfully, I never have. [ And while he has admitted this to others here, this time it feels a bit more honest, a bit less lackadaisical. ] Killing with no loves leaves me feeling pretty empty, y'know? If I'm going to kill someone, I'd like it to be with love and care— and even better if they try to kill me back. Taking someone's life in a blink for money— or to fulfill some kind of selfish wish— has never been my thing.
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Is there a reason, you think, that love should be so important in something as final as death?
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[ But hearing someone else call it tender is...surprising. He's just gotten used to the scorn and exasperation, even from the others. It's an odd feeling he isn't sure what to do with.
All the better to distract himself. ]
Why shouldn't it be? Isn't love one of the most important things in life? [ He's good at articulating it in his regular terms, the visceral excitement settling in all of his bones, the rush of blood and frenzied fervor. To try and lay it out normally is...not something he does often. ] It's a rush of feeling that could turn you inside out, a burst of euphoria that you can't get anywhere else...it's how you feel truly alive in those last moments, all that love and bloodlust colliding. When everything comes to an end, wouldn't it be better to have a hand guiding you rather than shoving you in?
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So you believe they walk similar lines, in a way..
Do you think that there's anyone that deserves to be lonely, rather than loved, when they face death in the eyes?
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[ The question does admittedly catch him a bit off guard, peering at the sky from where he's idly sitting rather than at Solomon himself, lips pursed for a few moments before they pry open again. ]
...I'm not going to say I don't have my grudges, you know. I talk big, but there's some people I wouldn't mind putting down without a lot of affection behind it. [ Back on the satellite, but for what reason? Because he was mad, but about what? Another frustrating, vexing sensation worming beneath his skin like all the wires, IVs, implants. ] I guess that depends on the point of view, doesn't it? Maybe there are, in some cases. Revenge for something that can't be taken back? The inherently evil, who don't want or care for love?
[ A pause. ]
...But if you think about it, there's also mercy in death. To me, I feel that's also a form of love.
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Would it be crueler, then, to condemn the unforgivable to life, instead of ushering them to their peace in death?
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It brings to mind thoughts of one Eito Aotsuki, and a young assassin steeped in emptiness. ]
Inconceivably cruel. [ A smile returns, the brittleness at it's edges. ] Just the worst. Especially when you want to die; what's worse than having to live despite it all? No reprieve, no satisfaction.
[ ...A pause. ]
But sometimes those variables are too dangerous. I'd rather not get stabbed in the back a second time, you know?
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[Mmm. He does enjoy picking Yugamu's brain. And some of the ideas he has...
...]
How about I present you with a hypothetical, and you can tell me your thoughts?
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[ He can be surprisingly pragmatic, for all that he is; after all, assassination isn't a job that preaches optimism.
Hm... ]
Not that I don't mind a bit of brain-picking, even if I do prefer the physical kind...[ One of those teasing smiles finally returns to his face, leaning more into the genuine direction. ] but am I getting extra credit for this assignment?
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[The question does earn pause, his laughter light like bells despite how physically rough he looks.]
You can always say no. Call your teacher a nosy one and leave it at that, if you think I'm poking around too much.
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[ The laugh has Yugamu's eyebrows twitching nigh imperceptibly, one blue eye peering straight through the other man with a sudden intensity. ]
No, that's one of your charm points. You should just be careful you don't lose that nose sticking it in far nastier business than mine.... [ A hum. ] How about I answer yours, and you answer mine?
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[Still, he shrugs easily at the suggestion, settling to a staggered seat - nearby enough to talk, but far enough that Yugamu doesn't need to worry about personal space.]
I don't see why not. You can even go first, if you'd like.
1/2
[ Yugamu is Watching, and while he wouldn't have minded him sitting closer, he does appreciate the respect for space. ]
If you insist. Let's see... well, if there's something I'm just deathly curious about—
2/2
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Except Solomon seems completely unphased. Blinking, as though confused.]
Oh.
Was I hiding it?
[Here he thought playing dumb would just be a fun thing to do.]
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[ Yeah, he can buy Solomon just playing dumb for the hell of it. Even so, really? ]
If you were coming here, you certainly weren't headed off to fix yourself. I didn't take you for a masochist.
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We just sentenced a boy to death, after all.
[A smart move? Hell nah. But he sounds like he's made up his mind about it.]
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I don't like the idea of dancing in the palm of someone's hand. [ Pointed nails tap against his cheek. ] But I don't think he'd want to be pitied.
[ After all, they are kindred spirits, one way or the other...even if their methods clash. ]
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But he's not my main concern.
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[ He thinks back to Gabimaru's speech, replaying in his head for a moment before ]
No? Is it the fact we've shown what we're capable of, now? [ A side glance. ] You know what they say: one card out of place is all it takes for the house to fall. Who's to say this won't incite someone else's desperation?
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If one will choose to kill, out of fear or opportunity, then it's only a matter of time. A deadline etched in stone. [Pinning down any supposedly new killers is only delaying what might as well be a forced inevitable, given the powers at play.]
I'd rather focus on the rest. Keep as many of you focused on the path forward, so that we do not lose any more than we must for the time being... and that we don't let those who might pass before us slip away as well.
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It's not quite the same words, but it's the same principle. The speeches, the assurances, the graves in the schoolyard. A path they follow because there's little other choice, and they need something to lean on to push them forward...lest they let the stark truth crush them under it's weight instead.
Solomon is no Takumi Sumino, but he'd be lying if he said he couldn't hear some echoes of him. Just enough for his face to twitch at the corners. ]
It'd be nice if those words could carry enough weight to sink in for everyone, but I wouldn't hold my breath. We've got a stubborn and mismatched lot around here. [ That being said... ] Are you prepared to shoulder all that weight, Sensei? It's not an easy burden to bear, and if you're unlucky, it might just drag you under and hold you down.
crawls back here hello
[Humming, he withdraws an ink pen, black with an iridescent center, from his jacket - something he had at the trial and presented as owning, so it's not necessarily a new sight. But now he simply uses it as a fidget item between his fingers as they talk.]
If someone must, let it be those of us that know we can handle the worst of the responsibility, should it all take the most horrible turn. Maybe there are liferafts we can plant in that deep, dark ocean, to keep it from being a complete waste.
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It feels like he's seeing just a piece of a Solomon he doesn't put out there often, blue gaze lingering as that pen twirls between his fingers.
...How convincing. It's almost dangerous. ]
In the dark ocean, huh... [ That twinges something, and when Yugamu leans back, it's with a small smile on his face. ] And let me guess. You'd take responsibility, even if they capsized?
[ Where has he heard this before? ]
You have to be a specific type of maniac to run headlong into something that could end horribly with your head held high. Then again, maybe I should call myself one, too, for being willing to follow along.
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