His head leans up against the wall of closed beds, staring towards the ceiling.]
Because I have other things to keep in mind here than just chasing down a single man for a wrong done. I've put up with stranger and far more dangerous things.
[Honest, genuine question! It takes abnormal to know abnormal, and what Solomon is so eager to write off is not at all normal. But also... how dare he not have any lingering sentiments over what Char did to him? Don't forget about him?!?]
[The effects hit swiftly, just as Yugamu warned. Maybe that's why, when Char moves to peel himself off the wall in search of an halfway infirmary bed, his helmet and visor clatter to the floor. He doesn't react, doesn't move to retrieve them, simply passes by to drop onto a bed in decidedly inelegant fashion. Who cares? It's only Solomon. He can afford to be a little uncouth.]
That's a pretty blatant accusation, Solomon. Do you take me for a killer?
I take you for a very unpredictable kind of man. A troubled man. Searching for something hard to grasp in a place that promises that you can have anything you want, if you prove yourself deserving.
[His eyes settle on the visor, rather than on Nishi.]
Ah... But he's truly become so transparent? Noβ there have always been those who see past his mask, but the admittance of such makes those people liabilities. Solomon is a danger purely by virtue of what he knows, and thatβ
...Well, in his current state, that makes him laugh.]
I wasn't kind when I put my hands around her throat.
[Sika called him vulnerable and emotional. Amuro accused him of the same. The people who know him must loathe him.]
I was deliberately unkind... just as I was to you.
The marks you left told a story, yes. [There's a confident coolness to the statement. He knows exactly what Nishi is talking about.]
Did you at least bother to tell them of what horrible sin they had committed to you? Or did you become judge, jury, and executioner in the scarlet of your rage?
[...Ha. Hahaha. He can't bite back those peals of nervous laughter before they break out of him, leaving him ill down to the pit of his stomach. And the way Solomon is poised to judge him, condemn himβ he feels sick.
Leave it to Char to double down and make a bad situation worse. No one hates Char as much as Char does.]
Of course I did. I even begged her to tell me why she'd flagrantly betray my trust and feed the rumor mill directly. She refused to tell me, of course.
[It's hard to parse what to consider genuine, not knowing when Nishi's mind will start to swerve under whatever it is he'd put into his system minutes ago. So he lets his initial kneejerk question settle, keeping his voice steady.]
I take it you heard something that you believe only Sika would have known, then? [Just gonna put that name out there. They both know.] Did they tell you that they'd done it deliberately?
[Char rolls onto his side, the room tilting around his axisβ dizzying, maddening, both too fast and too slow at once.]
So what if she did?
[Of course they did. What sickens Char isn't the fact itself, but not knowing why. Knowing that Sika felt she had no other choice, yet refusing to say what drove her there.]
The result is the same either way. I asked her a question. She refused to explain. So I punished her.
But I have to wonder if you've ever actually wanted to have a dialogue in the first place, Danya. Sika's not the easiest to get information out of, sure, but... seriously? You went for that sort of threat?
[Because that sounds pretty close to exactly what happened between the two of them.]
[Sighing back underneath a grimace, he peels the foreign clothing off of him, getting up to instead drop it next to where Nishi's helmet and visor have been discarded.]
Me? I've fought with only one person besides yourself, and at least I had a productive end goal in mind when I did it.
[Char chuckles, deliberately overlooking Solomon's attempt to make this conversation even halfway productive. As far as Char sees it, what's done is done. He's committed a sin against someone important to him, and he can't walk it back. As always, the ones who get close to him inevitably find themselves burnt.]
Do you think a proper fight would settle the score between us? Solomon.
[People tell him he's hard to understand. Wonder why?
He's one ill-advised turn from dumping himself on the floor, but againβ so what? If Char had any reason to believe he'd meet his maker by way of the floor tiles, he'd have perished a long time ago. Liken him to a cockroach and you'll find the comparison apt.]
I don't know what you feel about me. If you hated me, I'd understand you.
[He can relate to the feeling of hating someone's guts. He can't relate to the unnerving enigma of a man before him, yet he feels like he should.]
What have you been through in your life that you can so easily compartmentalize your feelings? Does it not dull them, obscuring them away?
Questions asked sincerely can go a long way, Danya. The only thing you are guaranteed to earn with your hands to someone's neck are regrets, not answers.
[Sure, you might manage both if you were lucky. But had he learned anything from trying to kill Solomon? Had he, from trying to kill Sika? Would he, if he tried again?
When the question is redirected, it only earns a chuckle, humorless.]
Mm. I wouldn't quite know where to start. But... some things dull our hearts for the better of our goals. It's a consequence you have to live with.
[What's worse: letting that misunderstanding hang in the air unresolved, or the reality that he had tried, sincerely, to eke the truth out of Sika? Char wanted so badly to be understood in that moment, to have the reason for his upset acknowledged by Sika and ownership of it taken.
Instead, Sika remained mum. She taunted him, telling him to beg, and he fell hard on old habits and snapped at herβ just as she'd intended. What Char and Sika have in common, all the threads that link them, is subsumed by the weight of reality, knowing Sika must hurt others without explanation for the sake of bearing her burdens alone. He thought, perhaps foolishly, that they could carry each other's weight.
Rather than leave himself lying here as a painful, exposed nerve, Char comments only on Solomon's response to his question.]
Well said, but you speak like a man with lifetimes of experience doing exactly that. Why is that?
[His pause is heavy, as though something about the question scrapes down deep into a space that is empty and clouded.]
It depends why you ask, I guess.
No one ever truly believed in me. So I took it on myself and myself alone to find a path forward with my life. And to go against all that is correct in the world means to bring all the emotions that come with it.
[Char can't catch himself in time, mind addled by the drug, and so he openly sighs. More of a groan, really. Some manner of exasperated noise. Impetuous and audacious, he rolls on his stomach and flicks Solomon's forehead.
They are alike, and the violent return of his memories has made that all the more clear to Char. That's why he always grated on his nerves. That's why he couldn't help but be on guard around him. Right now, it's just... annoying, more than anything.]
Don't steal my material.
[There's a little Nishi left in him after all.]
...Mm, but was it that they didn't believe in you, or were they afraid of you?
[Ow???? Sir he's going to find another place to sit if you keep this up... His hand does lift to shake that away and slide himself over just a little bit more. Personal space, please.]
Both.
People tend to fear the things they don't understand, and it's not like I had a great start. Still, I... really have to wonder why I don't feel more bitter, ahahah.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Concerned for your own sake? That would make sense, but if you're that leery of me, why haven't you done something about it?
[Like try to kill him, or at the least, make him a less credible threat through some other means?]
cw: drug discussion/drug use
His head leans up against the wall of closed beds, staring towards the ceiling.]
Because I have other things to keep in mind here than just chasing down a single man for a wrong done. I've put up with stranger and far more dangerous things.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Are you mentally ill, Solomon?
[Honest, genuine question! It takes abnormal to know abnormal, and what Solomon is so eager to write off is not at all normal. But also... how dare he not have any lingering sentiments over what Char did to him? Don't forget about him?!?]
cw: drug discussion/drug use
bursts into laughter.]
Ahahah -- who knows! Someone probably thinks so.
[
ive been saving those the whole game im glad they're being used on char]
cw: drug discussion/drug use
[what the fuck is solomon.....................]
Besides, you've just proved my earlier point. You aren't inclined to hurt me, therefore, you won't let harm come to me either.
[Even if it's self-inflicted.]
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Unless you plan to go strangle someone else while I sleep peacefully.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
That's a pretty blatant accusation, Solomon. Do you take me for a killer?
cw: drug discussion/drug use
I take you for a very unpredictable kind of man. A troubled man. Searching for something hard to grasp in a place that promises that you can have anything you want, if you prove yourself deserving.
[His eyes settle on the visor, rather than on Nishi.]
Even a kind man can kill, if they feel they must.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Ah... But he's truly become so transparent? Noβ there have always been those who see past his mask, but the admittance of such makes those people liabilities. Solomon is a danger purely by virtue of what he knows, and thatβ
...Well, in his current state, that makes him laugh.]
I wasn't kind when I put my hands around her throat.
[Sika called him vulnerable and emotional. Amuro accused him of the same. The people who know him must loathe him.]
I was deliberately unkind... just as I was to you.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
The marks you left told a story, yes. [There's a confident coolness to the statement. He knows exactly what Nishi is talking about.]
Did you at least bother to tell them of what horrible sin they had committed to you? Or did you become judge, jury, and executioner in the scarlet of your rage?
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Leave it to Char to double down and make a bad situation worse. No one hates Char as much as Char does.]
Of course I did. I even begged her to tell me why she'd flagrantly betray my trust and feed the rumor mill directly. She refused to tell me, of course.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
I take it you heard something that you believe only Sika would have known, then? [Just gonna put that name out there. They both know.] Did they tell you that they'd done it deliberately?
cw: drug discussion/drug use
So what if she did?
[Of course they did. What sickens Char isn't the fact itself, but not knowing why. Knowing that Sika felt she had no other choice, yet refusing to say what drove her there.]
The result is the same either way. I asked her a question. She refused to explain. So I punished her.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
But I have to wonder if you've ever actually wanted to have a dialogue in the first place, Danya. Sika's not the easiest to get information out of, sure, but... seriously? You went for that sort of threat?
[Because that sounds pretty close to exactly what happened between the two of them.]
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Who knows? Maybe I was just looking to pick a fight. That would track with your experience.
cw: drug discussion/drug use 1/2
cw: drug discussion/drug use 2/2
Me? I've fought with only one person besides yourself, and at least I had a productive end goal in mind when I did it.
Here I'd think you're projecting.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Do you think a proper fight would settle the score between us? Solomon.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
I don't see that there is anything to settle, Danya. If a fight didn't make you feel better the first time, I don't see how it will help you now.
Are you unhappy that I don't hate you like you wanted?
cw: drug discussion/drug use
He's one ill-advised turn from dumping himself on the floor, but againβ so what? If Char had any reason to believe he'd meet his maker by way of the floor tiles, he'd have perished a long time ago. Liken him to a cockroach and you'll find the comparison apt.]
I don't know what you feel about me. If you hated me, I'd understand you.
[He can relate to the feeling of hating someone's guts. He can't relate to the unnerving enigma of a man before him, yet he feels like he should.]
What have you been through in your life that you can so easily compartmentalize your feelings? Does it not dull them, obscuring them away?
cw: drug discussion/drug use
[Sure, you might manage both if you were lucky. But had he learned anything from trying to kill Solomon? Had he, from trying to kill Sika? Would he, if he tried again?
When the question is redirected, it only earns a chuckle, humorless.]
Mm. I wouldn't quite know where to start. But... some things dull our hearts for the better of our goals. It's a consequence you have to live with.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Instead, Sika remained mum. She taunted him, telling him to beg, and he fell hard on old habits and snapped at herβ just as she'd intended. What Char and Sika have in common, all the threads that link them, is subsumed by the weight of reality, knowing Sika must hurt others without explanation for the sake of bearing her burdens alone. He thought, perhaps foolishly, that they could carry each other's weight.
Rather than leave himself lying here as a painful, exposed nerve, Char comments only on Solomon's response to his question.]
Well said, but you speak like a man with lifetimes of experience doing exactly that. Why is that?
cw: drug discussion/drug use
It depends why you ask, I guess.
No one ever truly believed in me. So I took it on myself and myself alone to find a path forward with my life. And to go against all that is correct in the world means to bring all the emotions that come with it.
cw: drug discussion/drug use
They are alike, and the violent return of his memories has made that all the more clear to Char. That's why he always grated on his nerves. That's why he couldn't help but be on guard around him. Right now, it's just... annoying, more than anything.]
Don't steal my material.
[There's a little Nishi left in him after all.]
...Mm, but was it that they didn't believe in you, or were they afraid of you?
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Both.
People tend to fear the things they don't understand, and it's not like I had a great start. Still, I... really have to wonder why I don't feel more bitter, ahahah.
Why do you ask?
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use 1/2
cw: drug discussion/drug use 2/2
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
Cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use
cw: drug discussion/drug use